This week, I remembered.
I remembered what it was like to be a beginner.
To have my brain freeze with information overload - even automatic photography functions had been rendered forgotten.
I felt totally stupid.
"Call yourself a professional Tan?"
I had a 30 second wobble. A trained therapist. A professional photographer. I have my shit together right? I really do; I practice positivity every single day. I shoot every day if I can.
As I'm stood, my trusty Canon 5dm3 in video mode... holding the lens in front of the sensor, trying to operate the focus and start the video ... the exposure was wrong.
My mind went totally blank - rendered useless momentarily.
I had that feeling of dread, the fear had taken hold. I knew I was looking a total wally. It envelopes you that feeling.
ACTUALLY, what I was doing was mind-reading. Because that's not how I feel when people have that moment when I'm teaching.
What I actually say is "Take a breath. You've got this. Just take a moment."
So, I understand how beginners can be totally overwhelmed with their camera. The settings. The posing. What to say and not to say to models (believe me there is etiquette). How to edit. What your workflow is. What gear you NEED (yep called G.A.S - Gear Acquisition Syndrome - we all have it by the way!).
BUT I had forgotten what it was like in the beginning. I really had. Everything I do is so 'competent/competent' that I don't have to worry about anything other than working with my clients, directing and getting creative. Oh shit, don't forget the fun right?!
As I took in wave after wave of information about cinematography - beginning to have that excitement build over telling a visual story with moving images.... I actually said out loud...
..."This is the best money I've ever spent! I now know I don't want to do this"...
But as the layers of information flowed over me, as I began to feel the stirring of creativity, the beat of my artistry.
This wasn't the end.
Just the beginning.
But the biggest take-away? Was I remember what it feels like to be you.
Come find me. Pull up a pew. Bring a brew.
I do beginners and intermediate photography classes. Classes on studio. One-to-one photography coaching. Business Mentoring.
Look Up - Be Present - Be You.